my ChAiNs

The chains i felt are being lifted....i need not know why or how but i may be happy again. to the day when i cry and begged for pain to bring me my end i say goodbye ...or so i hope this is a final goodbye to my pain and not justa wonderful vacation only to be shattered when the stay os over. i want to continue the parade while the rain falls giving my floats of the past reason to stand out. memories are the foundation of the heart without which we would be sitting in a dark unknown. i watch aas the chains i used to cling to to feel alive are breking and rusted as the fall from me and that the oain and wounds leave the scares of hope and the known fact tha i will be moving on. you can find beauty in pain answers in confusin and an angel in your scars.....

the exit wound looked like the wings of an angel

THE nite

so this is now me i need this its either this or suicide and i think i wanna torture the assholes i love so dearly a litle more before i go. why is it that eveythingi think might...JUST MIGHT HAVE FEELINGS FOR ME THEY FUCK ME OVER this is not what i need in my life everyone wants to say "i gave up a good relationshop and my love of friends for you" and damn it what about the things i give up so to mess wit me i get into the drama of " hey kets fuck her life to infinity and beyond" any time i hear the words "i love you"my stomach implodes and my heart goes super nova only to white dwarf my way to the pathetics of my life. my mind is like this blog a giant run on sentence of cut and paste thoughts with bad puctuation (see i think a spelled that wrong) i want to secretly be controled but with the back knowledge that im going to kick your ass if you try to gogto far.... i know it makes no sence but i dont care..... i promised the ass hole that tells me all the rumors that are being said that i would never cut my self again. should i really think he cares he who laughs at the physical abuse i endure and whos last big question to me was "how do i get me new girlfreind wet" or" can we have sex now??"should i break my promise...should i be weak and take my life show all those who know me that im not as strong as i let on.... you guys tell me